Maryland, 1632. Although The Bearded Man had never personally met Henrietta Maria of France (wife of Charles I of England), he had heard she was quite the fox indeed. Resolved to get to know the princess better (and be the first to introduce her to beaches, of course), our hero was amongst the first to *abandon* America, say “screw it, this is too much work,” and go back to England. Weirdly enough, by the time he got there, most of the crew had died, she was already married to someone else even before he left, and he really didn’t care that much any more. Eager to start a new life in the old country, The Bearded Man found a local music shop where he introduced everyone to disco 300 years before its invention, although due to the lack of the invention of the phonograph and video camera, this fact was never documented. No one could believe that this alien music coming from what The Bearded Man called “synthesizers” could possibly be real. Then one day, a little girl asked: “Are you magic?” Little did she know, he wasn’t magic. It was simply that ALL beards are magic and no one knew it yet. Lesson learned. I think.